Growing up I had dreams and aspirations to work with kids so I wanted to be a pediatrician but in the same breath I don’t like science so that didn’t work out. After doing the morning news in highschool I decided I wanted to work in media! Journalism seemed to be the way to go so my Trini beti and I decided we wanted to go to Ryerson and live like the girls in Gossip Girl living downtown (less scandalous obviously) but that obviously did not pan out. Half way through university I decided that I liked Public Relations and Event Planning and that was it!

Here I am today sitting in my cubicle trying to figure how the heck I got here!

Taking a step back and observing my life I sort of know how but it is definitely unfortunate but not bad. I love my job – some days are better than others but that’s what happens when you have to deal with other people in general. Getting a job in media is super hard unless you have a connect or are willing to go broke trying to build experience with mini jobs, in my opinion. There were a few opportunities that I received even while in university but I was working a full time job and they wanted me to work for free basically until we put ourselves on… pardon?

Where are the paid internships? or at least the flexible non-paid ones so that I can actually have a source of income to afford my commute and possibly buying a plain bagel, lightly toasted with butter from Timmies to get me through my day? Where are the jobs where you don’t require five years of experience working in our field straight out of school? The search has been frustrating.

The reason why I’m sitting at my desk working in a different field is because the hunt got tiring. Though this doesn’t mean its over, it means that I needed some money since according to a few non-credible sources I’m high maintenance (pssssshhhh). Jordan (STiXX) mentioned to me in a conversation we had a while ago “as long as you’re consistent with networking… it doesn’t have to be like another job”, so I’m taking it as such. Slowly trying to get out and network, building meaningful relationships, asking questions, breaking out of my shell, all them good thangs.

I’m not sure if there are other people out there who read this that are going through the same thing but please share your thoughts, frustrations, and concerns…

God bless xx

tornado .

I am tired . being an adult is draining man, bring me back to middle school where my biggest worry was my unibrow and my two gapped teeth.. yes I had a unibrow . I don’t know which parent of mine placed this curse upon my life but I’m glad I learned about threading and waxing *praise breaks*

so I seem to currently be stuck . I’m in a comfortable place in certain aspects of my life and I don’t know if I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone and take a chance . The main reason for that is all the changes that has been going on in my life, like those 0 to 100 type changes … real quick . God is really testing my faith and patience and I’m slipping as of lately , in my opinion . Spending time away from home really gave me time to think, evaluate things and get motivated to change what I didn’t like in my life ; a week or so later and the flame is there but nothing has changed . As my mom always tells me, things will happen is God’s time but this is hard . Living in a generation of go-getters that believe they’re “self made” and that everything they have and have achieved is solely because they worked for it . Now don’t get me wrong, God will bless you but you have to do some of the work but I mean there are people that totally discredit Him . So when I see people just waking up and taking matters into their own hands AND it works out for them it makes me feel like crap because I haven’t been able to do that myself . A lot of the time I’ll catch myself getting upset and flustered and ready to take matters into my own hands and then God just put me right back in my place smh .

ugh this post is so sappy. long story short ITS HARD OUT HERE IN THESE SKREETS .

ohhhh p.s. my job is becoming a major cockblock to my life right now . There have been so many opportunities for me to network that I’ve had to skip out on because I have work . I’m eternally grateful for my job but my gosh I am becoming my job . I can’t wait to be this invested into my career that I love and have been hoping for. I didn’t go to school and study to just stop here . 

Speaking of career, PR hmmmm where am I going with this ? Where do I start ? Where am I going ?! *smushes face into pillow* . Every week I begin questioning my future or what stream of PR to get into, what industry… merp ah derp derp . I know I love Public Relations but there’s a lot I need to learn and my problem is I spend my time comparing my lack of experience to some people who work or are trying to start a career in media and how much they’ve done . I need to stop doing it but it’s hard for me . Everyone works at their own pace is easy to say to someone else but to actually accept the fact is difficult .

my mind is all over the place right now. wow . please is excuse me lol . oh btw, I have been consistently trying to stop using “lol” unless I actually mean it and … I guess its helping but it makes me nervous about how people perceive my messages . Ugh thats so annoying about texting . I miss face to face interactions, phone calls or even FaceTime conversations . You can’t misinterpret body language, tone of voice, our volume but you can misinterpret a mood just because someone doesn’t have a “aha” or “lol” to signify that it’s not that serious . *sigh*

Okay enough, let me talk about some good things happening in my life before I wrap this up . Let’s see … I’m currently learning Spanish/brushing up on my French (*pelvic thrust*). I got a huge water bottle that hold 8 glasses of water and have been drinking JUST water since I got back from Texas (*pelvic thrust* I will have an occasional hot chocolate or juice but water is slowly becoming my BFF), and I’ve been reading scripture more often than usual and actually understanding and relating it/applying it to my life (*pelvic thrust*) so yeah, this are great . I’m alive and well, my family is as well and I have a great group of people around me so I know with their support and God’s grace I will get through anything .

A Storm is brewing .

Only up until a few years ago did I hear about Christians going through “storms” and witnessing my mom go through hers I always said to myself that I dread the day that I go through mine .

I’m torn . Dealing with daily struggles its hard to keep faith that God is even watching over me . My mom has been through hell and back and through it all she seems to have put all her faith in Him but it’s extremely hard for me to do the same . But I can feel a storm is coming . I don’t think I have ever had to deal with some of the things I’ve been working through these past few months and I feel exhausted . If this is what comes with becoming an adult take me back to my life back when I was 10 living in Sauga ! I can’t wait to genuinely smile again on a consistent basis .

On a positive note though , I’ve completed my Fall semester of school and my birthdaaaay is less than a month away !!!! I’m looking into internships and volunteer opportunities so if anyone reading this blog knows of any media internships or volunteering opportunities HOLLA AT YA GIRL , spanks and God Bless xox .

Note to self : Reading the Word . Have Faith . Believe . 

 

Well then …

I swear being a student and working full time is so unrealistic for how my future is going to look but what can I do ? It just bothers me hearing students who don’t work, their tuition paid (not by OSAP), and/or they don’t even make an effort in school try to complain to me .

No my dear , no silver spoons at this table . I work hard for my money, I do the best I can in school, and I take care of my family in any and every way that I can .

I’ll never forget having a convo with these girls in my program back in first year and we were talking about how much of a struggle it is to be in school at our age and talking about how “broke” we were . At that time in my life I thought my broke was the same as any other student and I thought we would be able to relate … Nope .
note to 17 year old self: do not discuss your finances with people !

Anyways they were talking about how broke they were and how they don’t know how they will make it , but one girl just said she was going to buy a pair of $300 jeans later that day … Girl say what ? Mind you , I was working part time in first year , my paychecks we’re not that much more than 300$ … What in the world are you blowing a whole paycheck on jeans for ?! Smh . The icing on the cake was when I settled with buying a slice of pizza for lunch and they bought the most expensive lunches … We are not the same . And it sucks that I learned it that way . My broke is no joke .

I guess just the point of this rant is , don’t compare my life to yours and don’t tell me how I should be able to handle my financial situation because you aren’t in my shoes .