Growing up I had dreams and aspirations to work with kids so I wanted to be a pediatrician but in the same breath I don’t like science so that didn’t work out. After doing the morning news in highschool I decided I wanted to work in media! Journalism seemed to be the way to go so my Trini beti and I decided we wanted to go to Ryerson and live like the girls in Gossip Girl living downtown (less scandalous obviously) but that obviously did not pan out. Half way through university I decided that I liked Public Relations and Event Planning and that was it!

Here I am today sitting in my cubicle trying to figure how the heck I got here!

Taking a step back and observing my life I sort of know how but it is definitely unfortunate but not bad. I love my job – some days are better than others but that’s what happens when you have to deal with other people in general. Getting a job in media is super hard unless you have a connect or are willing to go broke trying to build experience with mini jobs, in my opinion. There were a few opportunities that I received even while in university but I was working a full time job and they wanted me to work for free basically until we put ourselves on… pardon?

Where are the paid internships? or at least the flexible non-paid ones so that I can actually have a source of income to afford my commute and possibly buying a plain bagel, lightly toasted with butter from Timmies to get me through my day? Where are the jobs where you don’t require five years of experience working in our field straight out of school? The search has been frustrating.

The reason why I’m sitting at my desk working in a different field is because the hunt got tiring. Though this doesn’t mean its over, it means that I needed some money since according to a few non-credible sources I’m high maintenance (pssssshhhh). Jordan (STiXX) mentioned to me in a conversation we had a while ago “as long as you’re consistent with networking… it doesn’t have to be like another job”, so I’m taking it as such. Slowly trying to get out and network, building meaningful relationships, asking questions, breaking out of my shell, all them good thangs.

I’m not sure if there are other people out there who read this that are going through the same thing but please share your thoughts, frustrations, and concerns…

God bless xx

ah coming again…

If you listen to soca then you are probably humming Machel cause… Yeah okay.

G’morning though.

I’m here again because I’m stuck and bored at the mechanic, yas ya’ll I got a car *slow whines*. But I just wanna make this very short rant and go back to listening to this soca mix…

I declare that I am so done with being taken advantage of and used. I am valuable. I’m amazing. I  am blessed. I have potential. So why the heck am I going to sit back and be mistreated? Miss me with the nonsense. Please understand that there is no hard feelings but when I put my foot down I need to keep it there. 

Just put some respeck on my name, all I ask.
Much love and blessings xox.

I don’t wanna be an adult.

When I was little all I wanted was to be a grownup. I didn’t wanna listen to my parents sometimes and the only thing I felt they had over me was “my house, my rules”.

I wanna eat a caramilk cake to myself.

I wanna run around in large tees and my boxers blaring soca.

I wanna get a Pomeranian chihuahua.

All things that I can only do in my own place and my own dime. Now hold up. Now that I’m older and I am considered an adult I want to be a kid again. These responsibilities are overwhelming and I feel jipped (I think that’s how you spell it).

Why do I know how to calculate the hypotenuse of a triangle but do not understand mortgages? The school system has failed me yet again. I’m learning about all these things I will actually need in life not through all my years of school, but through experience and trials.

I already feel the financial and emotional burdens and I don’t even have my own place as yet and realistically I don’t plan on having my own place for a while. Do you know how expensive it is to live? Why didn’t know one explain this to me when I was constantly asking for lunch money and field trip money? My parents made sure I never went without the basic necessities and had an enjoyable childhood and I love you guys both forever for it (I doubt they will ever see this but it’s the thought that counts)

I just want my childhood back. I want my youth back. You can take all the stress, heartache, and long nights. Bring back scheduled nap time, free McDonald’s, and my unibrow. Bring back the days I could fall asleep in the car and someone would carry me right to my bed. God. Oh, please.

NTS: Love Yourself!

self love is so real and becoming a rarity nowadays. If you don’t get enough likes, get enough numbers at the club, or get holla’d at on the street it translates to “I am not good enough”. Why? Instead of looking within to find love we look for validation from outside. Everyone’s idea of beauty is different, everyone has different taste. There is nothing you can do to change someone’s opinion on that, you gotta just keep. it. moving!

I find that it is so hard for this generation to love ourselves because we are striving to look like someone else… wow not that I say that line I feel like I have ranted about this somewhere before… welp, here we go again lol. But honestly, no one is perfect. I sure as heck am not perfect, one of my eyes are higher than the other. one of my boobs are smaller than the other. if I don’t see my eyebrow lady every two weeks my mustache and unibrow grows back lol. this is liiiiiiiiiife. I can go on forever about the things that I don’t like about myself but what I am trying to learn to do and stick by is always love myself. I can point out the things that I can change or just learn to accept then laugh about it.

as a friend, sister, daughter, and lover, I am here to uplift and encourage you. I will not lie to you though. I have found beauty in all the people in my life and I have no problem pointing them out to you and throwing ten million heart eye emojis under your IG post cause you friggin deserve it. But if I see that this is not helping you, that you still dont love yourself… that when I don’t say anything you assume it is because you are ugly or not good enough… that is not okay. I cannot help you love yourself. I am here to encourage and uplift but it is up to You to love yourself, genuinely.

If you love yourself first, no one can take that from you. If you love yourself first, nothing that people will say can affect you. ever!

God bless xox.

its days like this…

so today has been a pretty normal day… Minus the fact that I woke up with a sore throat and cramps -___-

Some days I forget that my grandma owns her car and she has a life so there will be times where she can’t let me use her car to go be ratchet with my homies ( okay not literally but… Okay ). So I did have some things to do today, going to the gym finally was one of them. So thank God I got to do that even though it was short and I got to see my mommy and little sisters which is always a blessing. 

Now I have my home girl’s dinner to go to and grandma says she’s going to visit her sister… Great. So now I gotta plan about 2 hours ahead to get to this dinner because #TransitLife. 

I got some food in my system because I didn’t eat and I’m way out of budget for spending money on food for this paycheck. I left my house a bit too early for the bus so I went back inside for a second to get a pen… I came back and was still early for the bus but it left early and zoomed of without me. 

Now I’m vex. I know I gotta roll with the punches but walking to the terminal was not in today’s plans..

SIDENOTE: gyal dem can’t find their iPods so gyal dem gotta use their phone for music but gyal dems battery life is garbage so life hawd for di gyal dem Ahlie?

Anyways so I’m walking to the terminal because I don’t have much time to catch my next bus. I’m breaking a sweat (thank God I don’t wear makeup on a consistent basis because I would look like melting molasses). I get to the terminal and my bus is there waiting for me, AINT GOD GOOD?! *praise breaks despite my rude cramps*. I have also been told that I need to smile more before I get frown lines so I was just minding my business and this older man hands me a transfer because he got two $AVING$!!

Now I’m en route and I’m content. I always tell myself that if I’m meant to go somewhere God will work it all out. It might not look like something good at the moment but we just have to be patient.

Just wanted to share that. No kind gesture goes unnoticed.

Enjoy your Sunday xox

morning rant

mississauga transit is complete garbage.

I needed to fill my presto card before work today and the closest place for me to fill it on my way to work is Islington station (annoying, I know). So the bus I take from home drops you in front of the subway entrance which is annoying because essentially I have to pay to go into a station to fill up my bus pass. WHAT KINDA STUPIDNESS?!

So I try to talk to the person at the subway desk and explain that I’m not going on the subway, I just wanna fill me presto card… “Sorry but you have to pay” alright womp womp. So I paid, then went to the MiWay desk to fill my card and walked onto my bus. But NOW it charged me again as if I didn’t already journey here and pay my fair. So today I’m going to be paying 3 fares and a subway trip even though I’m just going to work.

Am I the only one who sees the problem here? I mean I wouldn’t complain if Mississauga Transit was actually reliable and efficient… Okay I lied. But I’m mad at the fact that I have to pay so many times for mediocre service. 

Lord Heavenly Father please bless me with a car sooner than later because I am over this.

*takes deep breath*

-end rant-

“I Know that was you God, thanks !”

those times when you just don’t even know how to react to something .

like you know when you hear or read something your emotions changes like 12 times in a matters of minutes . laugh , scream , pause , get upset , sad , happy , relieved , and just confused all within minutes yo . 

things could always be worse but thinking about everything in a positive light, God protected me as always *shimmies* . I just need to really stick to listening to my intuition .

When I’m on a high (I mean a natural high folks) I tend to sometimes ignore that tiny voice in my head saying to chill because obviously I’m enjoying the moment which I need to stop doing . I keep saying that and then I force something that will bring me back here to posting this . ugh .

in other news, I’m sick . I guess I should use this time to finally edit and upload my vlog that I have been procrastinating on, right ? we’ll see if I can gather the patience to deal with it *sighs* .

God bless xox .