Growing up I had dreams and aspirations to work with kids so I wanted to be a pediatrician but in the same breath I don’t like science so that didn’t work out. After doing the morning news in highschool I decided I wanted to work in media! Journalism seemed to be the way to go so my Trini beti and I decided we wanted to go to Ryerson and live like the girls in Gossip Girl living downtown (less scandalous obviously) but that obviously did not pan out. Half way through university I decided that I liked Public Relations and Event Planning and that was it!

Here I am today sitting in my cubicle trying to figure how the heck I got here!

Taking a step back and observing my life I sort of know how but it is definitely unfortunate but not bad. I love my job – some days are better than others but that’s what happens when you have to deal with other people in general. Getting a job in media is super hard unless you have a connect or are willing to go broke trying to build experience with mini jobs, in my opinion. There were a few opportunities that I received even while in university but I was working a full time job and they wanted me to work for free basically until we put ourselves on… pardon?

Where are the paid internships? or at least the flexible non-paid ones so that I can actually have a source of income to afford my commute and possibly buying a plain bagel, lightly toasted with butter from Timmies to get me through my day? Where are the jobs where you don’t require five years of experience working in our field straight out of school? The search has been frustrating.

The reason why I’m sitting at my desk working in a different field is because the hunt got tiring. Though this doesn’t mean its over, it means that I needed some money since according to a few non-credible sources I’m high maintenance (pssssshhhh). Jordan (STiXX) mentioned to me in a conversation we had a while ago “as long as you’re consistent with networking… it doesn’t have to be like another job”, so I’m taking it as such. Slowly trying to get out and network, building meaningful relationships, asking questions, breaking out of my shell, all them good thangs.

I’m not sure if there are other people out there who read this that are going through the same thing but please share your thoughts, frustrations, and concerns…

God bless xx

first week

how was my first week back at school? a sucker punch to the left titty.

Realistically there is no winning with prepping to go back to school in my eyes. Way back in September I walked into school saying I’m just gonna not talk to anyone, sit at the front of class and hand in everything on time. Focus! But then my profs love group projects… *gags*. I guess it makes sense that in Public Relations we have to get used to working together but like why sooo many group projects?! Can we chill? This also meant that I needed to talk to people in school and since all of my friends I made in first year graduated I’m doomed.. or so I thought. In a nutshell I made some bomb friends and I hope I have them in all my classes that have group projects because I have hit my school friends quota for this institution and they make me happy lol.

Fast forwarding to Winter semester and I have two exams this week, a bunch of assignments due every week, and I’m hunting for a book that is well overpriced. Take me back to highschool when it costed $60 per year for school and the books were provided, on SparkNotes or in the library at NO CHARGE. I really should be studying but I’m just not feeling it. My parents would smack me if they knew I wasn’t studying…(don’t smack me if/when you read this guys, love you) but I’m a G so I’ma go study in like… 3 minutes lol.

On the bright side of my life lately I got a new job!!!! *crip walks* *heel toes* *pelvic thrusts* *gets jiggy with it* *shimmies*

.. oh and did I mention this job is a million times LESS stressful than my last job? My old senior always told me that after I left I would find better, everyone is happier when they leave my old workplace and LOOK AT GOD. I’m happy as heck. I actually have time to see my friends and my family and not wanna smack everyone in sight. Its wonderful. This is definitely helping with my “road to being positive all the time” though there have been some hiccups on this very long ride.

shoutout to the folks who are actually happy all the time and can see the positive in every situation ALL. THE. TIME.

I try my best and then God puts something in front of me and I get flustered and after some negative thoughts I realize that that was a test and I failed, lawl. I need to keep my cool.

but anyways. I think I should start reading now, it’s getting late and I haven’t even cracked open my textbook LOL.

toodles and God bless xox.

Well then …

I swear being a student and working full time is so unrealistic for how my future is going to look but what can I do ? It just bothers me hearing students who don’t work, their tuition paid (not by OSAP), and/or they don’t even make an effort in school try to complain to me .

No my dear , no silver spoons at this table . I work hard for my money, I do the best I can in school, and I take care of my family in any and every way that I can .

I’ll never forget having a convo with these girls in my program back in first year and we were talking about how much of a struggle it is to be in school at our age and talking about how “broke” we were . At that time in my life I thought my broke was the same as any other student and I thought we would be able to relate … Nope .
note to 17 year old self: do not discuss your finances with people !

Anyways they were talking about how broke they were and how they don’t know how they will make it , but one girl just said she was going to buy a pair of $300 jeans later that day … Girl say what ? Mind you , I was working part time in first year , my paychecks we’re not that much more than 300$ … What in the world are you blowing a whole paycheck on jeans for ?! Smh . The icing on the cake was when I settled with buying a slice of pizza for lunch and they bought the most expensive lunches … We are not the same . And it sucks that I learned it that way . My broke is no joke .

I guess just the point of this rant is , don’t compare my life to yours and don’t tell me how I should be able to handle my financial situation because you aren’t in my shoes .

If God brings you to it, He will get you through it !

I have been having such on and off days as of lately and I didn’t know how much it was taking a toll on my emotions until yesterday .

As a Christian, you’re encouraged to put your faith in God . Now I do(so I thought) but I still will go about getting things done on my own . I’m so used to getting things done myself and things going my way and it’s really hard for me to constantly rely on people . But lately it has been extremely hard to do things on my own or even get help from someone else . Either people can’t help me or they think they can and they make matters worse .  An incident happened after driving home from a night out with some friends and when I woke up livid the next morning all my mom could tell me was “Keep your faith in Him” . Now I was pissed . Like .. Girl What ?

*pause* Obviously I didn’t actually say “Girl what?” to my mom but I was thinking it.. alright yeah .

SO

Keeping faith. It is oh so hard . But I also feel like it may be because I have not been in my Word as much as I should . . I mean I read more than I have in a long time but still. . I could do better . But I’ll say this now and then in a few days I’m down in the dumps and ready to curl into a ball forever . I just really want to pause everything in my life . All my bills, school, and anything else that stresses me out and just put a stop until I’m ready . What is actually HILARIOUS is that I thought that men were one of my big factors of stress , yet with no man in my life or potentials I still feel the greys coming in ? LORD WHY =( *takes deep breath*

Keeping FAITH. I know I’m not the only person going through something like this . I feel like this is a cruel joke man , but even through it all I have that small butterfly feeling that God is going to come and make it okay . Honestly I have no other choice but to believe . I always say I’m going to go off the radar for a bit but my social butterfly side can’t stay off Twitter and Instagram =’) lol smh .

btw, check my twittaaaa @shhhnry and my Instagrizaam @OHReefaaa *pelvic thrust*

quick side note before I finally doze off . I worked my first PR volunteer gig at the 91st Royal Agriculture Winter Fair .. quite interesting . I’ll be posting about that this week .

much love and blessings .