New Level

It’s been a whirlwind of craziness but I have officially graduated from university! Through all these years pushing and stressing to be done and now that it’s over I don’t even know what to do with myself aha. Okay I’m kidding, it’s time to make this shmoney but I mean usually I’m on break prepping for summer school or the fall semester but that’s not gonna happen… For now.

God tested me through many trials and tribulations and I thought about giving up many times. But all in all life will always have its ups and downs; if you can gather your strength to push on, do so. Don’t let the devil win, EVER!

I have so many things to do now but I am extremely happy and excited for the many goals I have to complete.

It’s funny my dad said to me that now that I’m done school he’s okay to hear about me dating now lol. But really and truly, I’ve kinda used school as an excuse to not date for a while now… And many other reasons that don’t need to be discussed right now aha. But dating just seems so exhausting. I want someone and something serious and the generation I’m apart of plays too much games. Why are we trying to figure out who cares the least?! If you like me and I like you then what’s the issue !!!

*woosah* anyways. My toes are starting to tingle aha. I pray everyone has a blessed day. Positive vibes only! God bless 

ah coming again…

If you listen to soca then you are probably humming Machel cause… Yeah okay.

G’morning though.

I’m here again because I’m stuck and bored at the mechanic, yas ya’ll I got a car *slow whines*. But I just wanna make this very short rant and go back to listening to this soca mix…

I declare that I am so done with being taken advantage of and used. I am valuable. I’m amazing. I  am blessed. I have potential. So why the heck am I going to sit back and be mistreated? Miss me with the nonsense. Please understand that there is no hard feelings but when I put my foot down I need to keep it there. 

Just put some respeck on my name, all I ask.
Much love and blessings xox.

two years?

I just opened up my wordpress to write some random blurbs and I got a notification that today marks two years that I have been on here! wow. I mean two years of my online stress reliever. two years of growth. I have been blogging since highschool but I see my wordpress as a step closer to maturing into adulthood. A lot of my posts on my blogspot were rants and personal things that really didn’t need to be shared but hey, can’t change what’s already been done right?

Blogging can be such a healthy thing when used properly. People have all different uses when it comes to blogs but when you let go of your fear of what people have to say and discern what is necessary and unecessary to post it can become great.

I started blogging for a few reasons. In highschool I needed an outlet to express my feelings. I didn’t show many people where I was posting because at the time I didn’t even understand the signifcance of it. I went through typical highschool drama and felt that I didn’t have anyone to speak to. I mean I talk to my mom about almost everything but some things she can’t even understand and when you feel that all your friends are against you, you gotta look somewhere else. I know a Christian reading this is going to chime in saying, “what about calling on God?” well… I don’t have a legit reason as to why I didn’t.

During my highschool years I knew God but I didn’t look to Him like I should. I went to church and prayed before all my meals but through all my troubles I wouldn’t call on Him. I think that’s when He wants us to talk to Him the most.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalms 55:22

Once I got to university and learning the importance of my relationship with God I started to truly understand that verse. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my weak moments but who is perfect?

Blogging also helped me understand that I’m not the only one going through some things in my life. I have had people reach out to me and help me cope with things that I felt I could do on my own and even share happy experiences as well. Letting certain aspects of your life show can be a good thing sometimes. It has helped me through many trials in my life, I mean not just blogging obviously I have God, friends, and family but my blog has done a bit.

I appreciate people who read my entries and have shown support. In the end this isn’t done for an audience. This is for me.

God bless and Happy Black History Month xox.

sadderday

I should be sleeping but I’m not. Probably would make sense to do my readings since I can’t sleep but I won’t. I’m not motivated to do much at the moment.

I wanna say everything is okay but it’s not. I tweeted today that working at a gym is a blessing and a curse (if you didn’t see that then you don’t follow me and well shame on you it’s @shhhnry, kcool). I say it’s a curse because it has me looking at other peoples’ bodies wondering why I don’t have that.

NOW. Before I got this job I was comfortable with my body. I’m not the thickest or the skinniest, I don’t have a big ol’ butt, and my cellulite was close to minimal. But man I tell you one of the girls I work with haas the body of one of those fitness models you see on Instagram but she’s not overly done and she’s gorg. Like I look at her all the time and she probably thinks I’m a creep but ion curr to be honest lol.

Yeah so I don’t like that I’m doing that. So I have some personal goals and promises I wanna make to myself and document it so I can look back at it.

– love yourself, always.

-everything takes time

-do everything in life in moderation (thanks KFD)

-physical is not everything, spiritual and mental needs a lot of work.

-stop selling yourself short.

-PRAY. PRAY! PRAY!! and then stop worrying about it.

-speak only the truth and positivity.

-you can’t expect clear skin if you keep popping them pimples and touching your face, fam.

there’s probably more but at the moment my thoughts are wandering. My body isn’t the only aspect of my life I need to work on but that’s what’s on my mind at this moment. I should go sleep. Long day tomorrow and I’m going to see if I can experiment and do a decent style on my own hair(pray for me aha)

first week

how was my first week back at school? a sucker punch to the left titty.

Realistically there is no winning with prepping to go back to school in my eyes. Way back in September I walked into school saying I’m just gonna not talk to anyone, sit at the front of class and hand in everything on time. Focus! But then my profs love group projects… *gags*. I guess it makes sense that in Public Relations we have to get used to working together but like why sooo many group projects?! Can we chill? This also meant that I needed to talk to people in school and since all of my friends I made in first year graduated I’m doomed.. or so I thought. In a nutshell I made some bomb friends and I hope I have them in all my classes that have group projects because I have hit my school friends quota for this institution and they make me happy lol.

Fast forwarding to Winter semester and I have two exams this week, a bunch of assignments due every week, and I’m hunting for a book that is well overpriced. Take me back to highschool when it costed $60 per year for school and the books were provided, on SparkNotes or in the library at NO CHARGE. I really should be studying but I’m just not feeling it. My parents would smack me if they knew I wasn’t studying…(don’t smack me if/when you read this guys, love you) but I’m a G so I’ma go study in like… 3 minutes lol.

On the bright side of my life lately I got a new job!!!! *crip walks* *heel toes* *pelvic thrusts* *gets jiggy with it* *shimmies*

.. oh and did I mention this job is a million times LESS stressful than my last job? My old senior always told me that after I left I would find better, everyone is happier when they leave my old workplace and LOOK AT GOD. I’m happy as heck. I actually have time to see my friends and my family and not wanna smack everyone in sight. Its wonderful. This is definitely helping with my “road to being positive all the time” though there have been some hiccups on this very long ride.

shoutout to the folks who are actually happy all the time and can see the positive in every situation ALL. THE. TIME.

I try my best and then God puts something in front of me and I get flustered and after some negative thoughts I realize that that was a test and I failed, lawl. I need to keep my cool.

but anyways. I think I should start reading now, it’s getting late and I haven’t even cracked open my textbook LOL.

toodles and God bless xox.

“I Know that was you God, thanks !”

those times when you just don’t even know how to react to something .

like you know when you hear or read something your emotions changes like 12 times in a matters of minutes . laugh , scream , pause , get upset , sad , happy , relieved , and just confused all within minutes yo . 

things could always be worse but thinking about everything in a positive light, God protected me as always *shimmies* . I just need to really stick to listening to my intuition .

When I’m on a high (I mean a natural high folks) I tend to sometimes ignore that tiny voice in my head saying to chill because obviously I’m enjoying the moment which I need to stop doing . I keep saying that and then I force something that will bring me back here to posting this . ugh .

in other news, I’m sick . I guess I should use this time to finally edit and upload my vlog that I have been procrastinating on, right ? we’ll see if I can gather the patience to deal with it *sighs* .

God bless xox .

tornado .

I am tired . being an adult is draining man, bring me back to middle school where my biggest worry was my unibrow and my two gapped teeth.. yes I had a unibrow . I don’t know which parent of mine placed this curse upon my life but I’m glad I learned about threading and waxing *praise breaks*

so I seem to currently be stuck . I’m in a comfortable place in certain aspects of my life and I don’t know if I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone and take a chance . The main reason for that is all the changes that has been going on in my life, like those 0 to 100 type changes … real quick . God is really testing my faith and patience and I’m slipping as of lately , in my opinion . Spending time away from home really gave me time to think, evaluate things and get motivated to change what I didn’t like in my life ; a week or so later and the flame is there but nothing has changed . As my mom always tells me, things will happen is God’s time but this is hard . Living in a generation of go-getters that believe they’re “self made” and that everything they have and have achieved is solely because they worked for it . Now don’t get me wrong, God will bless you but you have to do some of the work but I mean there are people that totally discredit Him . So when I see people just waking up and taking matters into their own hands AND it works out for them it makes me feel like crap because I haven’t been able to do that myself . A lot of the time I’ll catch myself getting upset and flustered and ready to take matters into my own hands and then God just put me right back in my place smh .

ugh this post is so sappy. long story short ITS HARD OUT HERE IN THESE SKREETS .

ohhhh p.s. my job is becoming a major cockblock to my life right now . There have been so many opportunities for me to network that I’ve had to skip out on because I have work . I’m eternally grateful for my job but my gosh I am becoming my job . I can’t wait to be this invested into my career that I love and have been hoping for. I didn’t go to school and study to just stop here . 

Speaking of career, PR hmmmm where am I going with this ? Where do I start ? Where am I going ?! *smushes face into pillow* . Every week I begin questioning my future or what stream of PR to get into, what industry… merp ah derp derp . I know I love Public Relations but there’s a lot I need to learn and my problem is I spend my time comparing my lack of experience to some people who work or are trying to start a career in media and how much they’ve done . I need to stop doing it but it’s hard for me . Everyone works at their own pace is easy to say to someone else but to actually accept the fact is difficult .

my mind is all over the place right now. wow . please is excuse me lol . oh btw, I have been consistently trying to stop using “lol” unless I actually mean it and … I guess its helping but it makes me nervous about how people perceive my messages . Ugh thats so annoying about texting . I miss face to face interactions, phone calls or even FaceTime conversations . You can’t misinterpret body language, tone of voice, our volume but you can misinterpret a mood just because someone doesn’t have a “aha” or “lol” to signify that it’s not that serious . *sigh*

Okay enough, let me talk about some good things happening in my life before I wrap this up . Let’s see … I’m currently learning Spanish/brushing up on my French (*pelvic thrust*). I got a huge water bottle that hold 8 glasses of water and have been drinking JUST water since I got back from Texas (*pelvic thrust* I will have an occasional hot chocolate or juice but water is slowly becoming my BFF), and I’ve been reading scripture more often than usual and actually understanding and relating it/applying it to my life (*pelvic thrust*) so yeah, this are great . I’m alive and well, my family is as well and I have a great group of people around me so I know with their support and God’s grace I will get through anything .