Growing up I had dreams and aspirations to work with kids so I wanted to be a pediatrician but in the same breath I don’t like science so that didn’t work out. After doing the morning news in highschool I decided I wanted to work in media! Journalism seemed to be the way to go so my Trini beti and I decided we wanted to go to Ryerson and live like the girls in Gossip Girl living downtown (less scandalous obviously) but that obviously did not pan out. Half way through university I decided that I liked Public Relations and Event Planning and that was it!

Here I am today sitting in my cubicle trying to figure how the heck I got here!

Taking a step back and observing my life I sort of know how but it is definitely unfortunate but not bad. I love my job – some days are better than others but that’s what happens when you have to deal with other people in general. Getting a job in media is super hard unless you have a connect or are willing to go broke trying to build experience with mini jobs, in my opinion. There were a few opportunities that I received even while in university but I was working a full time job and they wanted me to work for free basically until we put ourselves on… pardon?

Where are the paid internships? or at least the flexible non-paid ones so that I can actually have a source of income to afford my commute and possibly buying a plain bagel, lightly toasted with butter from Timmies to get me through my day? Where are the jobs where you don’t require five years of experience working in our field straight out of school? The search has been frustrating.

The reason why I’m sitting at my desk working in a different field is because the hunt got tiring. Though this doesn’t mean its over, it means that I needed some money since according to a few non-credible sources I’m high maintenance (pssssshhhh). Jordan (STiXX) mentioned to me in a conversation we had a while ago “as long as you’re consistent with networking… it doesn’t have to be like another job”, so I’m taking it as such. Slowly trying to get out and network, building meaningful relationships, asking questions, breaking out of my shell, all them good thangs.

I’m not sure if there are other people out there who read this that are going through the same thing but please share your thoughts, frustrations, and concerns…

God bless xx

because I’m…

tired. fed up. happy. ecstatic. hopeful. sensitive. confused. and torn. at the same time.

wanna get me to try new things? give me no other option when I’m starving.

I went to see my fashaa(daddy) yesterday and we had this classic Philly burger(made with montery jack cheese, green pepper, and I think something else) with salad. wanna know what was in the salad!? mandarins, strawberries, cucumbers, and tomatos with a choice of either Rasberry vinaigrette or Mandarin Orange with sesame dressing… WHO AM I?! Am I finally growing up?! Mom I hope you’re proud of me if you end up reading this lol. I’m so used to eating whatever but that salad alone got me thinking about all the other things I can mix for dinner and stuff.

Any suggestions for healthy meals? I’m not gonna try everything right away but I’m slowly turning a new leaf.

tonight is Sabbath… and I’m gonna be working late. hopefully I have enough energy to do my nails at least and get some reading done. It has become easier for me to read but I still have motion sickness so I can’t read on the go =(

need to go back to physio…

Victoria Day has my ankles stiff as a board. bun “Ashbridges” aka Woodbine Beach. I’m gonna start buying sparklers and lighting them on my balcony with a glass of wine on the side. chaaaaa.

anyways, gotta start my day. be blessed and positive xox

flash

summer school is literaly flashing before my eyes!

Next week is my class midterm, we have our group assignment and we have already been assigned our final project. whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa there. but I’m happy it’s almost over. This class is great, I love it but I want to enjoy my summer without having to think about school.

who am I kidding though, I have another class that starts right after this one so I won’t be free until July. puppa ….

currently in pain from this week’s workouts and I have gain 10 lbs… supposedly that’s all muscle but I’m not sure about that lol. my eating habits are a work in progress. I think once I finally stop eating cookies and milk before bed I will be able to conquer anything ^_^

hope everyone enjoys their long weekend.

God Bless xox.

two years?

I just opened up my wordpress to write some random blurbs and I got a notification that today marks two years that I have been on here! wow. I mean two years of my online stress reliever. two years of growth. I have been blogging since highschool but I see my wordpress as a step closer to maturing into adulthood. A lot of my posts on my blogspot were rants and personal things that really didn’t need to be shared but hey, can’t change what’s already been done right?

Blogging can be such a healthy thing when used properly. People have all different uses when it comes to blogs but when you let go of your fear of what people have to say and discern what is necessary and unecessary to post it can become great.

I started blogging for a few reasons. In highschool I needed an outlet to express my feelings. I didn’t show many people where I was posting because at the time I didn’t even understand the signifcance of it. I went through typical highschool drama and felt that I didn’t have anyone to speak to. I mean I talk to my mom about almost everything but some things she can’t even understand and when you feel that all your friends are against you, you gotta look somewhere else. I know a Christian reading this is going to chime in saying, “what about calling on God?” well… I don’t have a legit reason as to why I didn’t.

During my highschool years I knew God but I didn’t look to Him like I should. I went to church and prayed before all my meals but through all my troubles I wouldn’t call on Him. I think that’s when He wants us to talk to Him the most.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalms 55:22

Once I got to university and learning the importance of my relationship with God I started to truly understand that verse. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my weak moments but who is perfect?

Blogging also helped me understand that I’m not the only one going through some things in my life. I have had people reach out to me and help me cope with things that I felt I could do on my own and even share happy experiences as well. Letting certain aspects of your life show can be a good thing sometimes. It has helped me through many trials in my life, I mean not just blogging obviously I have God, friends, and family but my blog has done a bit.

I appreciate people who read my entries and have shown support. In the end this isn’t done for an audience. This is for me.

God bless and Happy Black History Month xox.

it’s over !

the summers over and I feel the same way you do …”

yes I’m sad just like you are . Though the weather wasn’t as great as it’s been in the past I can say that I had an amazing summer ! I went on my first ever vacation, spent time with my family and friends, met new people , had so much great and bad things happened but it all just made this summer memorable in my eyes .

One thing I am extremely proud of is that I have finally recorded and edited my first vlog ! Yes I know I recorded a video a few months ago but I took it down because I couldn’t stand it smh but I promise this video is here to stay =) .

my YouTube channel is artisticallyDull and the link for the video is below:

woot woot ! so that was fun, I will definitely be recording more videos now that I’m getting more comfortable with Final Cut Pro and what not . Once school is underway there will be less vlogs on the road and just at home things when I get the chance though . 

anywho, I’ma go find out how I’m going to enjoy my second last day of freedom before it’s grind time .

God bless xox .

it’s the most wonderful tiiiiiiiime of the year *Andy Williams voice*

To all who actually check this blog if you don’t know already, I reside right outside of Toronto, Canada and this past weekend was the BEST time to be in the city . Why you ask ? CARIBANAAAAAA ( well technically it’s called the Scotiabank Caribbean Carnival but who is really calling it that =/ ) We also have VELD (EDM) and OVO Fest (Drake and guests like Outkast and YG, etc.) happening, so yes Toronto is always the place to be around the first weekend of August . With all that brings tourists, more celebrities, and mayhem to the city. Last year I didn’t attend any of the activities happening for a few reasons so this year was highly anticipated and I gotta say, I enjoyed every moment of it !

quick side note: while I have been going through a lot with family and myself I have been reading the Word, listening to sermons, and talking to my mom and my friends and I’ve learned so many different things about myself . One thing I have been doing is appreciating what I have and always looking for the positive in every situation . Life isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows but its up to us to find the positive in our situation . That has helped me to appreciate awkward and crazy situations that I’ve encountered and have helped me to handle things in the right way . I’m still a work in progress so obviously I slip up but I personally think I’m getting better .

To kick off my weekend on the Thursday I went to the OVO Bounce basketball tournament which was cool but not as exciting as I remember last year to be . It was great to run into some people I grew up with and I got to peek at a few celebrities but the games I watched on Thursday weren’t that exciting . Yes you’re here to win the tournament but I mean if its a blow out … give the crowd a show ! There were some highlights but I felt as if it was more about how bad you could beat the other team . Maybe if I got to see all the games for the whole week I’d have a different outlook but … yeah nah .

Waaay before the weekend I told myself and my friends that I was only going to the Caribana parade and maybe the Machel Montano fete afterwards but of course my friends don’t take me seriously and one of my boys bought me a ticket to Jab Jab J’ouvert which was on the Friday . This means paint, mud, oil , and powder … Thank God my hair was in braids because washing out all that nonsense to look good for the parade would have annoyed the heck outta me ! Anyways, that was really fun even though we got there extreeeemely late and the event itself was poorly organized . My friends paid $60 for VIP which I would have thought included line bypass, drinks, and food but we waited in the regular line which got rushed several times and they didn’t even check our tickets (so I bet a bunch of people that didn’t pay for the event got in smh) and I never saw the VIP area so we didn’t get any food or drinks ! But the music was great , performances were good, and all of my people got home safe .

Caribana 2012Next day I woke up late and I looked at the weather and said forget the parade… but an hour later I’m on the train headed downtown to meet with my bestfriend to head down to the parade . I’m pathetic man aha . Going to the parade with him and his boys was jokes ! I enjoyed it but I definitely love being a part of the parade rather than just busting through the barricades and watching everything from the sidelines (I’m gonna attach pictures in this post from the last time I played mas once I figure out how) . When you play mas you feel like a Caribana 2012celebrity for that day , I love it ! People taking your picture, children asking to have pieces of your costume and you get free wataaaah and food from your mas camp’s truck ! But nonetheless I met some cool people, heard good tunes and didn’t lose my bestfriend *pelvic thrust* . One problem I saw though was that they changed the route and placing of the stage for the judging of the masqueraders, which is dumb . So just when we thought the judging was over and everyone was just walking down the road,we realized we were walking right through the stage with all the masqueraders being judged.. so sorry guys xox . To make matters worse, only 3 bands went down the road for judging … what the heck =/. A lot of people complained and I would too if I paid to play mas and things were unorganized like that … thankfully I didn’t and my day was drama-free and fantastic … until my ride home .

When I took the train down to the parade I was told there is only one train that will head back to my area and that came at 7 so I left the parade at 6 because I didn’t want to get carried away with the time and miss my train . So I get to the station, buy my ticket then my phone dies . Like the OG I am I came prepped with my charger in my fanny pack so I found an outlet to plug my phone in to charge while I waited for the train but after about 5 minutes a train pulls up .. So I’m happy and thinking the train just came early and I’ll have tons of time to take a nap and be refreshed for the party I was going to later that evening … hmph . After everyone loads onto the train my intuition was telling me to get off the train but me and my lazy butt was like “nah I think we’re alright lets just take a nap” and thats what I did . Where did I wake up though ? Oakville … That is faaar from where I want to be and all I can do is laugh at this point because I knew I should have gotten off the train . Whatevs . So after quick thinking I made my way to Mississauga and took the transit back home for about 9 30 . Remember I left the parade at 6pm eh .. oh okay . No nap . No foot rub . No dinner (luckily my ride stopped at Mcdonalds, ugh I know terrible but I needed food) . I ran into the shower and got ready just in time for my ride. We had an amazing time . Machel , Kerwin , Ravi B , Farmer Nappy, and Patrice ? Yupp they made my evening . There was so much space to dance , everything seemed to be organized even though you had to wait in line to buy drink tickets and then wait in line at the bar smh (I only had water, don’t kill me) .

LET ME JUST ADD . being the only girl in the group going out to Jab Jab and the parade was the funniest part of my whole weekend ! Watch the savages scope out girls and see how women act towards them and me was hilarious . I just tried my best to stand off to the side and not be annoying \(-.-)/

This post seems pretty long to me but I guess it makes up for my lack of posting nowadays . With school coming up I want to post more now before I get swamped with work smh . Hope everyone is enjoying their summer as much as I am !

God bless xox .

Aside

journey notes

God is good eh .

 

Last night I was having a good talk with one of my close girlfriends Sheraine .. just one of those random check ins that turn into those amazing inspirational talks that make you appreciate the friendship all over again (I swear me and her have these kind of discussions at least once a week ha) . But we were talking about how backwards this generation is . You may not realize it but majority of us in this generation let social media define who we are . How many likes on Instagram we have on a selfie, how many followers we have on Instagram or Twitter, how many Facebook friends we have (even though I don’t know why people still use Facebook for reasons other than contacting family across the world smh), how many notes we get on a photo on Tumblr, etc. Well how this came up is we were talking about the guys I have talked to in my past, which we came to the conclusion is a lot of guys . Talking to meaning getting to know each other to potentially date … don’t get any slick ideas smh lol . Most of them are acquaintances now and we can laugh at how we met, which is usually online . Once I was introduced to Tdotwire I used that badboy as my protector and along with any other hot social media sites following it .

My self esteem was really low now that I think about it . I remember being too nervous to talk to this guy I went to school with so I found him on Tdotwire and we were good friends on there but when I would see him at school I was quiet as a mouse , smh . But anyways , these social networking sites had me on my top notch photoshop and page coding game lol . I knew how to style my VibeTO page like a BAWSE , I could put the sickest filters on my photos , all this nonsense . Once I got a hang of editing and what not, I used these sites to get validation that I was pretty or skilled . A “decent” guy private messages me, I’d give out my MSN “addy” just because I didn’t think I was cute enough to be picky and curve the message . Now I’m not saying its alright to be shallow and only give out your contact info to the cutest guy but if his message looks something like “h3y grl , waghwan . sen on da addy .. kool” , you might wanna curve that message for your own good… Basically, have some standards! YES I will curve if you don’t know how to spell properly because I’m not tryna have a future with an illiterate man.

So yeah … I was just like alright well his pics are alright, he’s not from Scarberia, he’s alright I guess . Then within a month or two I can’t stand them or they realize that I’m not gonna come to their crib to “grease”. (sweet heavenly father I can’t believe grease used to be the word to describe people having sex lol) . But yeah I would let what would happen to me online affect how I would truly feel about myself … Now don’t get me wrong, I have those days where I get totally insecure when I’ll see a girl who looks more “exotic” than me or a woman who I personally don’t think is that attractive but men will drool over her and not say anything about me, one day soon I hope I won;t have those days… yah . But in the end , not everyone is going to find you attractive and that’s cool . If I can’t love myself how can I expect someone else to do the same? There’s no sense in constantly comparing yourself to the next person because everyone has something unique that people are drawn to .

Now there’s also people who will rule you out just because of your skin tone (ex. “You would be really cute if you were darkskin” “You’re cute for a white girl” “Maybe if you were lightskin I would mess with you”) … those people in my opinion are just not worth your time and have psychological issues of their own . You can have preferences but saying that someone would be more attractive if they were another skin tone? uhh YEET!

All in all I think I have come far . Going from constantly looking to social media or men to give me the nod if  I’m attractive or not rather than screaming “I woke up like disssss”, first thing in the morning, knowing that I’m flawlesssss . Some of the most confident people may not be the most beautiful but you can’t help but admire their confidence and then notice all the other important things that you like about them.  I mean it’s nice when I get more than 11 likes on a selfie but if I don’t I’m glad that I’m not in a place where I’ll think ” man … I thought that selfie was bomb! I’m not a sweetie then? man I guess so”. S E L F  L O VE has got to be the best love. Thank God and the people around me for whipping me in line and continuing to help me.

God bless and Peace Up