breathe for a second.

self assurance. know your worth. take your time. you’re amazing. 

appreciate what you have, work for what you want. pray for guidance, strength, and patience. 

Lord I feel like I’m constantly trying to get things on my own without asking for your help or approval which is probably why they aren’t going my way. aha good one, I’m learning I swear.

pray for me.

Advertisements

because I’m…

tired. fed up. happy. ecstatic. hopeful. sensitive. confused. and torn. at the same time.

wanna get me to try new things? give me no other option when I’m starving.

I went to see my fashaa(daddy) yesterday and we had this classic Philly burger(made with montery jack cheese, green pepper, and I think something else) with salad. wanna know what was in the salad!? mandarins, strawberries, cucumbers, and tomatos with a choice of either Rasberry vinaigrette or Mandarin Orange with sesame dressing… WHO AM I?! Am I finally growing up?! Mom I hope you’re proud of me if you end up reading this lol. I’m so used to eating whatever but that salad alone got me thinking about all the other things I can mix for dinner and stuff.

Any suggestions for healthy meals? I’m not gonna try everything right away but I’m slowly turning a new leaf.

tonight is Sabbath… and I’m gonna be working late. hopefully I have enough energy to do my nails at least and get some reading done. It has become easier for me to read but I still have motion sickness so I can’t read on the go =(

need to go back to physio…

Victoria Day has my ankles stiff as a board. bun “Ashbridges” aka Woodbine Beach. I’m gonna start buying sparklers and lighting them on my balcony with a glass of wine on the side. chaaaaa.

anyways, gotta start my day. be blessed and positive xox

morning rant

mississauga transit is complete garbage.

I needed to fill my presto card before work today and the closest place for me to fill it on my way to work is Islington station (annoying, I know). So the bus I take from home drops you in front of the subway entrance which is annoying because essentially I have to pay to go into a station to fill up my bus pass. WHAT KINDA STUPIDNESS?!

So I try to talk to the person at the subway desk and explain that I’m not going on the subway, I just wanna fill me presto card… “Sorry but you have to pay” alright womp womp. So I paid, then went to the MiWay desk to fill my card and walked onto my bus. But NOW it charged me again as if I didn’t already journey here and pay my fair. So today I’m going to be paying 3 fares and a subway trip even though I’m just going to work.

Am I the only one who sees the problem here? I mean I wouldn’t complain if Mississauga Transit was actually reliable and efficient… Okay I lied. But I’m mad at the fact that I have to pay so many times for mediocre service. 

Lord Heavenly Father please bless me with a car sooner than later because I am over this.

*takes deep breath*

-end rant-

first week

how was my first week back at school? a sucker punch to the left titty.

Realistically there is no winning with prepping to go back to school in my eyes. Way back in September I walked into school saying I’m just gonna not talk to anyone, sit at the front of class and hand in everything on time. Focus! But then my profs love group projects… *gags*. I guess it makes sense that in Public Relations we have to get used to working together but like why sooo many group projects?! Can we chill? This also meant that I needed to talk to people in school and since all of my friends I made in first year graduated I’m doomed.. or so I thought. In a nutshell I made some bomb friends and I hope I have them in all my classes that have group projects because I have hit my school friends quota for this institution and they make me happy lol.

Fast forwarding to Winter semester and I have two exams this week, a bunch of assignments due every week, and I’m hunting for a book that is well overpriced. Take me back to highschool when it costed $60 per year for school and the books were provided, on SparkNotes or in the library at NO CHARGE. I really should be studying but I’m just not feeling it. My parents would smack me if they knew I wasn’t studying…(don’t smack me if/when you read this guys, love you) but I’m a G so I’ma go study in like… 3 minutes lol.

On the bright side of my life lately I got a new job!!!! *crip walks* *heel toes* *pelvic thrusts* *gets jiggy with it* *shimmies*

.. oh and did I mention this job is a million times LESS stressful than my last job? My old senior always told me that after I left I would find better, everyone is happier when they leave my old workplace and LOOK AT GOD. I’m happy as heck. I actually have time to see my friends and my family and not wanna smack everyone in sight. Its wonderful. This is definitely helping with my “road to being positive all the time” though there have been some hiccups on this very long ride.

shoutout to the folks who are actually happy all the time and can see the positive in every situation ALL. THE. TIME.

I try my best and then God puts something in front of me and I get flustered and after some negative thoughts I realize that that was a test and I failed, lawl. I need to keep my cool.

but anyways. I think I should start reading now, it’s getting late and I haven’t even cracked open my textbook LOL.

toodles and God bless xox.

Aside

The Road I’m On

I feel like this road to bettering myself as a person and as a Christian is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to overcome . Everyday is a challenge . I’m nowhere close to where I aspire to be but I feel that I have made progress .

I started going to bible study once a week with my home girl and I definitely gotta say I’m proud of us … We had to stop due to work schedules and personal business but it started getting me into the habit of taking the time to get in touch with God . But we tried, I mean how many people are in my life right now would join me in bible study ? Not as many as the amount of people that would come with me to the club that’s for sure lol . But that’s fine , I don’t take that personally because this is a decision I made on my own . If my friends want to do the same then I’m definitely bout it bout itttttttt .

That’s another thing . I don’t ever want the people in my life to think that through my decisions I expect them to do the same right away . I talk to my friends about God but it’s up to them what they want to do with their lives . I just gotta live through example . Do I go out ? Yes . Does that make me a bad person ? I don’t think so but I know a few people who would say otherwise . Does that matter to me ? No . This isn’t “My Journey to being a better person featuring so and so” this is MY journey and if I make a mistake it’s on me . I learn from it and I try not to repeat it again .

Someone asked me what made me decide to finally get baptized and get back into the Word . Well ….

A few months back my mom and I were just having a mommy and daughter conversation and talking about my future and where I wanna be in life . Now my mom is my rock , though she aggravates me sometimes she is always there for me . Being the spiritual person she is , she was talking to me about my relationship with God and how non existent its become … Now I’m horrible at taking redirection so I took it in a negative way but it’s true … But I was thinking well how can I better my relationship with Him and she suggested that I get baptized . 0_o whoa . I always thought that getting saved was for people that were basically perfect “no spot or wrinkle” and I was way off from that so I put that whole idea off . Then a month or so later my mom brought it up again and reassured me that no one is perfect ; Saved Christians aren’t perfect either . Then voila , October 27th I got baptized . Pretty cool experience … literally . The water was freezing man . But I felt good after .

Another factor that got me to get baptized was the Second Coming . Now I’m like seriously slow because I never knew this would ever happen  *yikes* . But in Revelations the Bible talks about the times of the world getting seriously bad and Jesus coming again for His people . When my mom told me that I brushed it off because I thought she was crazy smh . Then for the next few weeks she would wake me up in the middle of the night and show me a video clips on YouTube by different people talking about the same subject but one that stuck out for me the most is a man named Lonnie Mackley . He’s such a meek man and he’s so inspiring . But after knowing this it was hard for me to just sit back and continue living how I used to live knowing that I may not go to heaven . People joke about it but honestly , I’m not tryna go to hell lol … Though I don’t have my one way ticket to heaven yet , hopefully before my time is up on this Earth I will have earned it .

Being Saved in my eyes is basically signing a contract with God saying that you will try your hardest to be the best Christian you can be . As my bible study teacher said , “if you wanna be a better person before you get baptized then what do you need God for ?” He’s here to help me get to where I need to be , I know I wouldn’t be able to make it without Him . I feel the pressures every single day ! Sometimes I fail … Sometimes I pass . It’s just an ongoing journey for me .

Man I have really been writing this post for the past few days … I’ll look at it and then save the draft and then walk away . I think it’s because I’m kinda nervous about a post like this . A lot of people look at the fact that I got baptized or even tweet a rare bible scripture and are like =/ … But I’m slowly learning not to care . *pumps fist in the air*

Happy Sabbath ya’ll xo .

Can I have your attention please … ?

So …

the other day I came across a tweet on my Twitter Timeline that caught my attention …

“Women want undying attention but then call men clingy”

Alright now … Me being a woman, I disagree to an extent . I believe in the saying “everything should be done in moderation”.

I love attention, especially from the guy I’m involved with or interested in but when it becomes smothering or overbearing I have a problem . Men seem to get confused when women demand their attention . Think simple guys . Things like being able to talk about a stressful day, a good experience, a tough time, or just a random conversation … We don’t want to talk to a brick wall . Now sometimes we may ask you at an inconvenient time but if what you’re doing can be put on hold for a second , women appreciate that . If I call my man saying a need someone to vent to and he says “Sorry give me a bit I’m playing 2K” umm….. call me naive but that can be paused, no ? Give me just 5 minutes of your time , I really don’t ask for much . I would do the same for you … although many guys I know don’t really like to talk about their problems (which I will never understand) I would take the time to listen and give my feedback if its wanted .

Now if you’re constantly blowing up your girl’s phone every second for random things and getting upset if she doesn’t respond right away that’s where it gets excessive . Some girls do like this kind of attention but its either rare or just a phase the girl is going through and after a certain time it will annoying and also tiring to the person that’s constantly having to spark the conversation and make the effort .

This topic also ties into being a communication issue . If you’re someone who likes to be messaged and/or called every possible moment by your significant other then you should let the person know . That’s an important part of getting to know each other ; likes and dislikes, habits, tendencies, etc . But even if it would be awkward to just randomly bring up, if a person doesn’t talk to you enough or too much there shouldn’t be an issue with you voicing that . If you feel that you can’t go to this person and tell them something about them that bothers you like how consistent or inconsistent they are, what makes you think you’ll be able to hold down a relationship which is usually built on honesty …

blurb .

I feel like I haven’t made a post in a longgggg time and the other day I was in a mood … And when I can’t rant to someone in person and I sure as heck will not rant on Twitter , my one outlet I use is my blog … *takes a deep breath*

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just bothers you ? Nothing particularly different happens during your day but just at some point your whole mood just switches up ? Yeah that was me yesterday.

Why is it that people want to make decisions for you ? Instead of asking your opinion they’re assuming what they know about you and coming to a conclusion . STOP THAT .

And I know people can understand body language . When someone does not look open to speak or do something and you continue to still bother them … STOP THAT .

I’m so tired of negative people . Just so tired . I have days where I am not in the best of moods but to be negative ALL the time ? Too much . To wake up and already say your day sucks ? Way too much . It’s just so tiring to be miserable , I don’t know how you guys do it every day of your lives .All you pessimists of the world that feel that Every. Single. Thing. that goes wrong in your life is a personal attack on you … STOP THAT .

I’m trying this thing where I forgive and move and but my gosh it is so hard . It is easy to forgive certain people from my past and even present but when you decide to forgive, that means everyone . This is where I’m stuck . There are some people that have gotten to a certain place in my mind that they will never come back from . Like when someone does you really bad … Real bad . It’s so hard to say well ‘ well heck if I want God to forgive me when my time comes then I should be able to forgive this character ‘ . *deep sigh*

*gives blog a big hug* thanks for listening to me boo .

Well I’m gonna go enjoy my Sabbath ,

G’night and God Bless