questions…

how do you get of the never ending sinking feeling in your stomach?

how do you constantly practice the positive lifestyle that you preach onto your loved ones? even when you’re not up to it at all.

is it bad that I sometimes question if God is still looking out for me in some aspects of life? maybe He’s trying to give me a sign? that I need to look to Him more? that I’ve lost my way once again?

literally just stuck between lost in the sauce, feeling empty, and annoyed with my life decisions…

or Maybe my period is back again early lol… Idk. #GirlProbs?

ah coming again…

If you listen to soca then you are probably humming Machel cause… Yeah okay.

G’morning though.

I’m here again because I’m stuck and bored at the mechanic, yas ya’ll I got a car *slow whines*. But I just wanna make this very short rant and go back to listening to this soca mix…

I declare that I am so done with being taken advantage of and used. I am valuable. I’m amazing. I  am blessed. I have potential. So why the heck am I going to sit back and be mistreated? Miss me with the nonsense. Please understand that there is no hard feelings but when I put my foot down I need to keep it there. 

Just put some respeck on my name, all I ask.
Much love and blessings xox.

insensitive.

I just finished work… Lazy Sunday can’t really complain. But today in Ontario, there was an Amber alert issued for a child that was kidnapped from a flea market. How sad is that right? So I’m seeing it all over my Twitter and hearing it on the news but then the TVs at my work all switch to this alert and kept playing for basically the whole day. I found it a bit annoying but also understood that it’s necessary to have the alert showing just in case. 

Close to the end of my shift this guy comes up to me and says “There’s this annoying alert on the TV and it’s been going for over an hour now” I said okay I understand your frustration but it’s head office that controls that and it’s a pretty serious message. This loser has the nerve to tell me.. “It’s been over an hour the baby is dead already forget it.” 

Maybe I’m over exaggerating but I have never been so disappointed in humanity in my life… Actually I have but this just sticks out to me. I wasn’t gonna write about it but I’m finally on my way home and the radio said they have found the child unharmed so THERES THAT JERK. Though I’m not a parent I am a sister and my siblings mean the world to me. Hearing that a three month old child was kidnapped gives me chills and I can’t even imagine how the parents felt going through that but I am so happy that the baby was found safe.
Anywho… Happy Sunday y’all. School is almost overrrrrrrrrr
God bless xox

miss you.

It’s times like this where I need you the most…

I just had another nightmare or I guess reality check about death and you’re nowhere to be found to help me keep calm. Nowhere to tell me God will see me through. Nowhere to tell me it will all be alright. I hate that it’s like this. I need you here, please come back.

I miss you.

I don’t wanna be an adult.

When I was little all I wanted was to be a grownup. I didn’t wanna listen to my parents sometimes and the only thing I felt they had over me was “my house, my rules”.

I wanna eat a caramilk cake to myself.

I wanna run around in large tees and my boxers blaring soca.

I wanna get a Pomeranian chihuahua.

All things that I can only do in my own place and my own dime. Now hold up. Now that I’m older and I am considered an adult I want to be a kid again. These responsibilities are overwhelming and I feel jipped (I think that’s how you spell it).

Why do I know how to calculate the hypotenuse of a triangle but do not understand mortgages? The school system has failed me yet again. I’m learning about all these things I will actually need in life not through all my years of school, but through experience and trials.

I already feel the financial and emotional burdens and I don’t even have my own place as yet and realistically I don’t plan on having my own place for a while. Do you know how expensive it is to live? Why didn’t know one explain this to me when I was constantly asking for lunch money and field trip money? My parents made sure I never went without the basic necessities and had an enjoyable childhood and I love you guys both forever for it (I doubt they will ever see this but it’s the thought that counts)

I just want my childhood back. I want my youth back. You can take all the stress, heartache, and long nights. Bring back scheduled nap time, free McDonald’s, and my unibrow. Bring back the days I could fall asleep in the car and someone would carry me right to my bed. God. Oh, please.

NTS: Love Yourself!

self love is so real and becoming a rarity nowadays. If you don’t get enough likes, get enough numbers at the club, or get holla’d at on the street it translates to “I am not good enough”. Why? Instead of looking within to find love we look for validation from outside. Everyone’s idea of beauty is different, everyone has different taste. There is nothing you can do to change someone’s opinion on that, you gotta just keep. it. moving!

I find that it is so hard for this generation to love ourselves because we are striving to look like someone else… wow not that I say that line I feel like I have ranted about this somewhere before… welp, here we go again lol. But honestly, no one is perfect. I sure as heck am not perfect, one of my eyes are higher than the other. one of my boobs are smaller than the other. if I don’t see my eyebrow lady every two weeks my mustache and unibrow grows back lol. this is liiiiiiiiiife. I can go on forever about the things that I don’t like about myself but what I am trying to learn to do and stick by is always love myself. I can point out the things that I can change or just learn to accept then laugh about it.

as a friend, sister, daughter, and lover, I am here to uplift and encourage you. I will not lie to you though. I have found beauty in all the people in my life and I have no problem pointing them out to you and throwing ten million heart eye emojis under your IG post cause you friggin deserve it. But if I see that this is not helping you, that you still dont love yourself… that when I don’t say anything you assume it is because you are ugly or not good enough… that is not okay. I cannot help you love yourself. I am here to encourage and uplift but it is up to You to love yourself, genuinely.

If you love yourself first, no one can take that from you. If you love yourself first, nothing that people will say can affect you. ever!

God bless xox.

stress… I am stressed the heck out and when I put things into perspective there is no reason to be stressed. Stress will not get the job done. Stress only give me pimples, anxiety, and makes me forget things. Stress is the work of the devil, I swear smh, yet here I am stressing.

Last year of university and I’m taking it one day at a time but every day I procrastinate on this 20 page essay that I have due. holy smokes smh. I originally made a fool proof plan on how I would finish the essay but of course I love to procrastinate so that wont be happening….

I haven’t been keeping up with my writing or editing but I’m waiting at school to do some work so I thought I might as well catch up on my writing (see I could be working on my essay but … nah) and I am sitting beside the loudest group of people in the world… I hate inconsiderate people. People are here to work in the computer lab and you’re gwanin like ah ediot and gigigling like a child … mmmmohmygosh. .

whatever I think they’re leaving soon… Lord give me patience.  yes okkay I’m alone.

today is my grandmas  birthday and I am stuck working tonight. ghaaaaaaaaaay. I wanted to take her to red lobster since its supposedly her favourite restaurant (according to my grandpa) but that will have to wait until the weekend.

side bar I got a job interview this weekend… prayers up. I would like something that pays a bit more since my job has become more of a hassle and a strain on my bank.

I am stillllllll waiting. oh I am waiting to download my Twitter archive to see my tweets from like… the beginning of time. crazy right? yeah. I can’t wait to see the nonsense I used to tweet when I cursed like a sailor and was in highschool lol. Being a young adult going into Public Relations I would hate for someone to find a tweet from when I was sixteen talking about all my highschool drama. wait I don’t think I tweeted about that but it is always good to make sure.

do people still read this blog anymore? probably not. inconsistency pushes people away, heck it pushes me away. I keep saying that I am waiting for life to chill out and I can get a grip on things but I am learning that life does not stop. life does not “chill”. you learn to adapt and keep moving through it.

I want to start reading more. I want to connect with myself more. I want to get closer to God. that’s a huge thing for me. I want to better my relationship with him and eventually have someone in my life to share that with who understands. In time I guess..

so it looks like I’ll never get my Twitter archive. I’ve been sitting here for an hour. I guess I should go and get something else done with my day before I go to work.

stay blessed xox.