I don’t wanna be an adult.

When I was little all I wanted was to be a grownup. I didn’t wanna listen to my parents sometimes and the only thing I felt they had over me was “my house, my rules”.

I wanna eat a caramilk cake to myself.

I wanna run around in large tees and my boxers blaring soca.

I wanna get a Pomeranian chihuahua.

All things that I can only do in my own place and my own dime. Now hold up. Now that I’m older and I am considered an adult I want to be a kid again. These responsibilities are overwhelming and I feel jipped (I think that’s how you spell it).

Why do I know how to calculate the hypotenuse of a triangle but do not understand mortgages? The school system has failed me yet again. I’m learning about all these things I will actually need in life not through all my years of school, but through experience and trials.

I already feel the financial and emotional burdens and I don’t even have my own place as yet and realistically I don’t plan on having my own place for a while. Do you know how expensive it is to live? Why didn’t know one explain this to me when I was constantly asking for lunch money and field trip money? My parents made sure I never went without the basic necessities and had an enjoyable childhood and I love you guys both forever for it (I doubt they will ever see this but it’s the thought that counts)

I just want my childhood back. I want my youth back. You can take all the stress, heartache, and long nights. Bring back scheduled nap time, free McDonald’s, and my unibrow. Bring back the days I could fall asleep in the car and someone would carry me right to my bed. God. Oh, please.

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NTS: Love Yourself!

self love is so real and becoming a rarity nowadays. If you don’t get enough likes, get enough numbers at the club, or get holla’d at on the street it translates to “I am not good enough”. Why? Instead of looking within to find love we look for validation from outside. Everyone’s idea of beauty is different, everyone has different taste. There is nothing you can do to change someone’s opinion on that, you gotta just keep. it. moving!

I find that it is so hard for this generation to love ourselves because we are striving to look like someone else… wow not that I say that line I feel like I have ranted about this somewhere before… welp, here we go again lol. But honestly, no one is perfect. I sure as heck am not perfect, one of my eyes are higher than the other. one of my boobs are smaller than the other. if I don’t see my eyebrow lady every two weeks my mustache and unibrow grows back lol. this is liiiiiiiiiife. I can go on forever about the things that I don’t like about myself but what I am trying to learn to do and stick by is always love myself. I can point out the things that I can change or just learn to accept then laugh about it.

as a friend, sister, daughter, and lover, I am here to uplift and encourage you. I will not lie to you though. I have found beauty in all the people in my life and I have no problem pointing them out to you and throwing ten million heart eye emojis under your IG post cause you friggin deserve it. But if I see that this is not helping you, that you still dont love yourself… that when I don’t say anything you assume it is because you are ugly or not good enough… that is not okay. I cannot help you love yourself. I am here to encourage and uplift but it is up to You to love yourself, genuinely.

If you love yourself first, no one can take that from you. If you love yourself first, nothing that people will say can affect you. ever!

God bless xox.