Is it pathetic that I’m afraid to fall in love with someone because I don’t ever wanna lose them? Even though we all know we don’t live forever?
Coping with the loss of my uncle has had it’s ups and downs. I feel okay some days and then other days I’m ready to cry my eyes out. He was one of the greatest men I’ve ever known and definitely a huge part of my life and I feel like I didn’t appreciate him enough while he was here. Burying him was definitely harder than I could ever imagine… But the person I truly feel for is my aunt, his wife. They were inseperable. They did almost everything together, you wouldn’t see one without the other and I kinda admired that about them.
I want my husband to be my best friend, my rock, and my support system. Someone who is a reflection of me and can help me be a better me. But in the same breath losing your best friend is tragic. Everything reminds you of them and at some point you have to accept that the person is gone. Friends can come and go but it’s not that easy to move on from losing your husband/wife. I can’t describe the feeling because I haven’t gotten married yet but the pain I feel as a neice is hard enough. I’m such a lova gyal I feel like I’ll always be with my husband. I just wanna know I’ll be strong enough to still see the positive things in life if he was to pass before me.
I dream of getting married and having children but I guess it sounds silly but I have never really thought about how it would feel to lose someone so close to me… I guess I’m just more focused on living and one day being able to have a family of my own.
Reading this over and over makes me feel like this sounds like I’m selfish. We live and we die but this pain really sucks. Looking at my aunt is so different because you can see in he eyes that she’s sad. I’m so used to seeing him right beside her whenever I go visit and now the house seems so empty.
I guess what I wanna say is appreciate and love those around you. Don’t miss a chance to love.
No one and nothing last forever.
I should be sleeping but I’m not. Probably would make sense to do my readings since I can’t sleep but I won’t. I’m not motivated to do much at the moment.
I wanna say everything is okay but it’s not. I tweeted today that working at a gym is a blessing and a curse (if you didn’t see that then you don’t follow me and well shame on you it’s @shhhnry, kcool). I say it’s a curse because it has me looking at other peoples’ bodies wondering why I don’t have that.
NOW. Before I got this job I was comfortable with my body. I’m not the thickest or the skinniest, I don’t have a big ol’ butt, and my cellulite was close to minimal. But man I tell you one of the girls I work with haas the body of one of those fitness models you see on Instagram but she’s not overly done and she’s gorg. Like I look at her all the time and she probably thinks I’m a creep but ion curr to be honest lol.
Yeah so I don’t like that I’m doing that. So I have some personal goals and promises I wanna make to myself and document it so I can look back at it.
– love yourself, always.
-everything takes time
-do everything in life in moderation (thanks KFD)
-physical is not everything, spiritual and mental needs a lot of work.
-stop selling yourself short.
-PRAY. PRAY! PRAY!! and then stop worrying about it.
-speak only the truth and positivity.
-you can’t expect clear skin if you keep popping them pimples and touching your face, fam.
there’s probably more but at the moment my thoughts are wandering. My body isn’t the only aspect of my life I need to work on but that’s what’s on my mind at this moment. I should go sleep. Long day tomorrow and I’m going to see if I can experiment and do a decent style on my own hair(pray for me aha)
how was my first week back at school? a sucker punch to the left titty.
Realistically there is no winning with prepping to go back to school in my eyes. Way back in September I walked into school saying I’m just gonna not talk to anyone, sit at the front of class and hand in everything on time. Focus! But then my profs love group projects… *gags*. I guess it makes sense that in Public Relations we have to get used to working together but like why sooo many group projects?! Can we chill? This also meant that I needed to talk to people in school and since all of my friends I made in first year graduated I’m doomed.. or so I thought. In a nutshell I made some bomb friends and I hope I have them in all my classes that have group projects because I have hit my school friends quota for this institution and they make me happy lol.
Fast forwarding to Winter semester and I have two exams this week, a bunch of assignments due every week, and I’m hunting for a book that is well overpriced. Take me back to highschool when it costed $60 per year for school and the books were provided, on SparkNotes or in the library at NO CHARGE. I really should be studying but I’m just not feeling it. My parents would smack me if they knew I wasn’t studying…(don’t smack me if/when you read this guys, love you) but I’m a G so I’ma go study in like… 3 minutes lol.
On the bright side of my life lately I got a new job!!!! *crip walks* *heel toes* *pelvic thrusts* *gets jiggy with it* *shimmies*
.. oh and did I mention this job is a million times LESS stressful than my last job? My old senior always told me that after I left I would find better, everyone is happier when they leave my old workplace and LOOK AT GOD. I’m happy as heck. I actually have time to see my friends and my family and not wanna smack everyone in sight. Its wonderful. This is definitely helping with my “road to being positive all the time” though there have been some hiccups on this very long ride.
shoutout to the folks who are actually happy all the time and can see the positive in every situation ALL. THE. TIME.
I try my best and then God puts something in front of me and I get flustered and after some negative thoughts I realize that that was a test and I failed, lawl. I need to keep my cool.
but anyways. I think I should start reading now, it’s getting late and I haven’t even cracked open my textbook LOL.
toodles and God bless xox.