Well then …

I swear being a student and working full time is so unrealistic for how my future is going to look but what can I do ? It just bothers me hearing students who don’t work, their tuition paid (not by OSAP), and/or they don’t even make an effort in school try to complain to me .

No my dear , no silver spoons at this table . I work hard for my money, I do the best I can in school, and I take care of my family in any and every way that I can .

I’ll never forget having a convo with these girls in my program back in first year and we were talking about how much of a struggle it is to be in school at our age and talking about how “broke” we were . At that time in my life I thought my broke was the same as any other student and I thought we would be able to relate … Nope .
note to 17 year old self: do not discuss your finances with people !

Anyways they were talking about how broke they were and how they don’t know how they will make it , but one girl just said she was going to buy a pair of $300 jeans later that day … Girl say what ? Mind you , I was working part time in first year , my paychecks we’re not that much more than 300$ … What in the world are you blowing a whole paycheck on jeans for ?! Smh . The icing on the cake was when I settled with buying a slice of pizza for lunch and they bought the most expensive lunches … We are not the same . And it sucks that I learned it that way . My broke is no joke .

I guess just the point of this rant is , don’t compare my life to yours and don’t tell me how I should be able to handle my financial situation because you aren’t in my shoes .

Know Your Worth .

I just wanted to be loved …

Having an idea in your mind of who you wanna be with; tall, nice smile, educated, spiritual, family oriented, loyal, honest, smart, and all that good stuff . Praying for that person to show up . Waiting … yet Nothing . You know you’re a good person; you can cook, clean, you’re friendly, well rounded, happy, giving, loving, you feel that you possess the qualities of an amazing partner but yet you don’t have one .

Then he comes along . He’s telling you all you wanna hear, he has a nice smile, tall, nice… sometimes, goes to school, not really into the spiritual piece, but I mean you can change that right ? So you go for it . Invest all of your time and energy and in your mind it feels like he is too, but in reality it’s the total opposite . He’s just here waiting for the ride, sorry in hopes for a ride . Quality time together is minimal, communication is lacking, he seems to be happy yet you’re not . You guys do some “couple-y” things together but you still feel empty .

There are all these red signs , Yet you stay .

But like he’s cute … kinda . He has good fashion sense , okay not really . He’s great with his family , that he doesn’t talk about and  won’t let you meet, so we don’t know about that one . What are we doing here ? Now you have questions and he has all the answers yet they’re not answering what you are asking but you don’t wanna be a nag so you hush and see if things will get better .

A few months pass by … No signs of change anywhere , things have actually gotten worse . He can go days without talking to you , when you guys do talk it seems as if you’re bothering him, you ask him if you guys will progress from this and he has the nerve to say “I don’t think I’m ready for commitment” BUT GOOD SIR , HELLO HI .

“What do you mean ?” “What am I here for ?” “Can I have these past few months back ?” “Are you going to give those back to me ?” “Can you explain what your goal was here ?” “Oh so you have trust issues huh ?” “You got your heart broken before , right ?” “Not ready … huh ?!” “You think you’re the first person to go through heartache ?” “Do you think that I haven’t been hurt before too ?” “Have I ever given you a reason to not trust me ?” There are so many questions that you have for him but of course he wont answer them . He’ll calm you down and kiss you like he means it and tell you that you’re overreacting , again .

So you sit and reflect on your time together . Think about all the things you have done vs. what he has done and of course it doesn’t seem to be equal . So you test him . Stop caring for a while, see how he reacts . But he doesn’t react . He stops caring too , but wait girl he never did care . Now you’re back at square ONE . Hurt and you can only blame yourself for letting it get this far . But dont let this get to you . Learn from this, grow from this, move forward from this . Harbouring that hurt into your next situation won’t help, you may just miss out on the next best thing for you . Just look out for those red signs !

Know your worth , keep waiting for what You want . Not everyone that shows interest in you deserves your time .

If God brings you to it, He will get you through it !

I have been having such on and off days as of lately and I didn’t know how much it was taking a toll on my emotions until yesterday .

As a Christian, you’re encouraged to put your faith in God . Now I do(so I thought) but I still will go about getting things done on my own . I’m so used to getting things done myself and things going my way and it’s really hard for me to constantly rely on people . But lately it has been extremely hard to do things on my own or even get help from someone else . Either people can’t help me or they think they can and they make matters worse .  An incident happened after driving home from a night out with some friends and when I woke up livid the next morning all my mom could tell me was “Keep your faith in Him” . Now I was pissed . Like .. Girl What ?

*pause* Obviously I didn’t actually say “Girl what?” to my mom but I was thinking it.. alright yeah .

SO

Keeping faith. It is oh so hard . But I also feel like it may be because I have not been in my Word as much as I should . . I mean I read more than I have in a long time but still. . I could do better . But I’ll say this now and then in a few days I’m down in the dumps and ready to curl into a ball forever . I just really want to pause everything in my life . All my bills, school, and anything else that stresses me out and just put a stop until I’m ready . What is actually HILARIOUS is that I thought that men were one of my big factors of stress , yet with no man in my life or potentials I still feel the greys coming in ? LORD WHY =( *takes deep breath*

Keeping FAITH. I know I’m not the only person going through something like this . I feel like this is a cruel joke man , but even through it all I have that small butterfly feeling that God is going to come and make it okay . Honestly I have no other choice but to believe . I always say I’m going to go off the radar for a bit but my social butterfly side can’t stay off Twitter and Instagram =’) lol smh .

btw, check my twittaaaa @shhhnry and my Instagrizaam @OHReefaaa *pelvic thrust*

quick side note before I finally doze off . I worked my first PR volunteer gig at the 91st Royal Agriculture Winter Fair .. quite interesting . I’ll be posting about that this week .

much love and blessings .

Jhene Aiko – My Mine (Manifesto 2013 Live Performance)

THE.STiXXclusive.BLOG

This reminds me that I still have to write & post photos for the 2nd day of Manifesto (I don’t know how that got pushed off so far). The good people at Manifesto were gracious enough to help bring Jhene Aiko to Toronto to perform as co-headliner on the closing night, and also have her speak the day before on a day dedicated to Summits. It was a cool experience, and as always, it’s great to see artists perform with a live band (live bands are always better). All credit goes to them for putting the video together (I thought I saw myself somewhere on the far right side of the stage), so definitely enjoy, as this is truly one of her best songs out (so far).

View original post

#NBABack

A little late but I mean I’ve been busy tuning in but BASKETBALL SEASON IS HERE ! I’m actually super excited to see how things pan out this season . We got some more Canadian talent in the mix, Derrick Rose has returned , and there’s been a lot of changes . My LA Lakers are 1-1 right now and I’m feeling nervous for how we’re gonna do this season . *says a little … Long prayer* anywho , have a blessed day folks !